dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
