The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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