I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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