my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
