the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
