Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
