I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
