you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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