is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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