Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
