dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
