My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
