Don't make out with my wife yet
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
