i don't like sucking hair
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
