just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
