someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
