You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
