Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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