Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
