wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
