I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize