I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
