TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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