Dude my mom stole all your condoms
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
