worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my being single is dangerous.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
