just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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