It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
