Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
