Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
