the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
