Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
