Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize