So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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