my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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