Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
