Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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