The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
