Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
