I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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