...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
