The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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