It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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