Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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