i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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