you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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