he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
