take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
