A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
