just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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