Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
