dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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