WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
