His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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