fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
