Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
