i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
