um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
