Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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