when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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