What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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