Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
