the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
