Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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