This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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