O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
