you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
