do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
