Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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