put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
