I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
