your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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