good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
that is very illegal...i love you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
