Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
