At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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