I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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