Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
