Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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