OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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